


too much thinking-minsung

by starshine_eyes



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, cuteee, eee i loved writing this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:15:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28892763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starshine_eyes/pseuds/starshine_eyes
Summary: And the third, and probably most annoying thing Jisung was sure of, was that Lee Minho was the most beautiful human that had ever existed.orFireworks shattering the sky, and Minho shattering Jisung's heart
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Kudos: 5





	too much thinking-minsung

**Author's Note:**

> playlist
> 
> empty trah - loren  
> ghost town - kanye west  
> can you feel my heart - bring me the horizon  
> jenny - the studio killers  
> all the things she said - t.a.t.u  
> phobia - dvwn  
> wrong - max schnider  
> cooler than me - mike ponser  
> tongue - maribou state  
> stolen dance - milky chance  
> tmt - stray kids  
> ex - stray kids
> 
> YELLOW - COLDPLAY !!!

Han Jisung wasn’t sure of alot of things. He got confused and afraid and uncertain all the time. The world seemed to hate him, and he in turn hated the world. But he knew 3 things for sure.  
The first was that he liked boys. He’d known it for as long as he could remember. Watching disney movies and only staring at the prince, always choosing random girls he’d never talked to when talking about crushes, he knew he was gay. It certainly made his life harder though, and sometimes he wished he wasn’t.  
The second thing was that he knew was that he was never going to pass his exams. In class he was forever joking with his friends, and his books were littered with raps he wrote. The teachers all sighed and grumbled but mostly left him alone. He was glad of that. All he wanted was to be a rapper. It was all he ever thought about, dreamed about. His parents reprimanded him constantly on his marks, but he blocked it out. He was going to follow his heart.  
And the third, and probably most annoying thing Jisung was sure of, was that Lee Minho was the most beautiful human that had ever existed. He knew this because he had seen so many people in his life, from all times throughout history, all races, backgrounds, identities. And none of them even compared to Minho. Jisung always tried to stop himself in class, but he couldn’t help admiring the angle of his jaw, the delicate lines of his long nose, the long dark eyelashes lowered, reading the work they had been set. His soft brown hair, always slightly messy, his perfect rosebud lips, smooth complexion, starry eyes… and on the off chance Minho felt him looking, he’d receive a sideways smirk, which always made his heart beat way faster than Jisung would consider healthy. He knew having these feelings about his friend was wrong, but he couldn’t help it Minho looked like he had been carved by angels, could he?  
Every day, Jisung saw Minho. He saw all 7 of his best friends. They were always together. Changbin, Felix, Jeongin, Hyunjin, Chan, Seungmin and Minho. They would hang out no matter what. Changbin with his arm around Felix, Hyunjin and Jeongin pretending not to stare at each other, Chan listening to music and catching up on schoolwork, Seungmin arguing with someone about something, or groaning whenever Felix and Changbin became a little too invested in each other.  
And Minho whispering and smiling and holding whichever lucky boy, girl or nb got his affection that week. Minho was notorious for his playboy persona. Jisung and his friends couldn’t walk through the halls at his high school without getting multiple glares from Minho’s countless exs. But one text from Minho and they’d come crawling back. That’s just how it was. Minho was the king of the school. He was laid back, uncaring, unfazed. He winked and flashed his diamond smile around the school like it was nothing. The world seemed to revolve around him. Sometimes Jisung though back to one time, at a sleepover, when he woke up to the sound of Minho crying outside. Jisung sat beside him, and held his hand while tears fell softly onto his cheeks. The next day, Minho acted as if it never happened. Jisung never found out why he was crying, but he knew Minho wasn’t as perfect as he let on.   
Jisung trudged through the school gates in his platform converse. His blonde fringe flopped over his forehead messily. Jisung never considered himself pretty. He just worked with what he had, which to him, wasn’t much. The bleak grey buildings beckoned him in, and he grudgingly let them. Through the grey, he spotted pink haired Jeongin waving him over from a bench across the basketball courts. Everyone was on their phones except Minho, who had his tongue down the throat of his newest girlfriend, Peichen. Jisung looked away quickly, because Minho had a habit of locking eyes with him while making out with someone, and it made him uncomfortable, to say the least. Lyrics flooded his brain, as they often did when he looked at Minho. Opening his notes, he typed in some jumble of words about buttery sunlight and sugary smiles, when the bell rang.  
Shoving his phone in his pocket, he hooked his bag over his shoulder as he braced himself for the day. Footsteps came up behind him and a hand was thrown over his shoulder. He knew that vanilla scent anywhere.  
“Math is this way dummie, don’t wanna be late again.” Minho said, steering him toward Seungmin and Chan who were already heading off. Jisung grinned and followed him. Minho liked math, and for that Jisung called him a psychopath. Not even workaholic Chan liked math. But Minho liked it. He was super smart, and would often do his friend’s homework for them. Once they reached the classroom, Seungmin and Chan sat down next to each other, minho beside Chan and Jisung next to Minho. Minho stretched and pulled out his work. Jisung watched as he chewed the tip of his pencil in concentration, and finally tore his gaze after some raised eyebrows from Chan. He finally tried the problems, but the truth was he was absolute shit when it came to algebra. After four failed attempts, he sighed loudly in frustration. Minho glanced at him, and popped his bubblegum while scanning Jisung’s page of mistakes.  
“Here sung, let me help.” Minho murmured, chewing his gum and taking the pencil from Jisung’s hand. Jisung watched him decode the numbers and letters, trying his very best to take it in, but it was still just as meaningless.  
“Do you see?” Minho asked quietly, pointing at the question that was now solved.  
“Nope.” Jisung groaned and minho snickered.  
“Why don’t u listen? You’re smart when you try. Why don’t you try Ji?” Minho whispered. Jisung gulped. Because im too busy looking at you.  
“Because I can’t! It’s impossible so don’t expect me to be a genius just cause u are.” Jisung complained as Minho sighed.  
“You can Jisung. You seem distracted these days. What’s going on?” Minho’s deep dark eyes searched Jisung’s, a hint of worry in his gaze. Jisung rolled his eyes and reminded him of how little algebra was used to build a rap career, and Minho just shrugged and went back to his work. Fiddling with his fingers, Jisung could sense minho wouldn’t drop the subject. He was stubborn, and Jisung was weakening. He could feel himself making himself small to make Minho feel bigger, and he hated it. He hated feeling small. And vulnerable. Jisung pulled out his phone and sent a quick message, before looking back down at the jumbled problems before him.

“What did u want to talk about sung?” Chan asked, looking at him with the same faint worry as Minho had earlier that day. Jisung gulped. They were in the music department, and school had ended 10 minutes earlier. The others had gone off together, except Minho, who had sped off with Peichen on the back of his motorbike. Taking her to the pier, or the bridge, or one of the other Lee Minho make out spots. Not that Jisung would know.  
“Chan hyung, I need some advice. For my friend.” Jisung gulped. He knew he was a bad liar, and so did Chan. But Chan just nodded and Jisung continued.  
“So my friend is in love with- no not in love- well he loves this person but he doesn’t really know how. And the person is his friend, and this person is a bit of a player. My friend hasn’t even really been in a real relationship, and the person he uhh- likes, has been in too many to count. My friend doesn’t know what to do and, he needs help it’s getting out of control.” Jisung gabbled as Chan’s gaze softened in understanding. That feeling of being small again. Jisung fought the urge to run.  
“Do you know what I’d tell your friend? That Minho likes him too.” Jisung protested but Chan kept talking.  
“Minho’s family is weird Ji, you know that. His parents aren’t talking again, and his brother hasn’t stopped hitting him. He needs space. He forgets what love is. He can’t see when he hurts people. To him, we are his family. Surely you know that?” Chan looked at him expectantly, and Jisung found himself at a loss for words yet again. How was it that Chan could peel back people protective layers and see the hurt deep inside? How did he know all these things about Minho?  
“He loves us, and he probably takes us for granted sometimes. He loves warmth and touch, he loves feeling loved. And no one loves him as much as yo- your friend. I’d say go for it. I’m sick to death of these random people hanging out with us for his dick. I’d prefer it if it was you. You two are so important to me. You make each other happy, I mean, him and your friend. Make each other happy. So yeah. Your friend already has his heart.” Chan winked at Jisung as he bit back tears. Emotions flooded his teenage brain. Chan looked out for them no matter what. Minho wasn’t the only one who took that for granted.  
“Thank you Chan hyung.” Jisung mumbled, a tear running down his face. Chan pulled him into one of his signature hugs, and Jisung felt warmer than he had in weeks.  
“So when are you telling him?” Jisung shot back as if he had been electrocuted, and Chan chuckled at the sight of his horrified face. Tell him? Tell him?!?! I’ve barely come to terms with the fact I have feelings for him!! He’ll laugh, he’ll think I’m joking. I can’t tell him. Never. It’ll ruin everything.  
“what about on new years? You’re both coming to Hyunjin’s part on Saturday right? That’d be so romantic.” Jisung shook his head rapidly. Saturday is only 3 days away!! He has Pei!! I can’t come between them. I can’t.  
“ok” Jisung heard himself say, and Chan clapped him on the back, and asked him if he wanted to show him his latest tune. Jisung handed over the usb blankly. He wasn’t processing. All he could see was Minho smiling, Minho winking, Minho walking.  
He was majorly fucked.

-jisung r u ok u seemed weird today  
Jisung blinked in the harsh white light of his phone, sighing deeply when reading Minho’s name. He just wanted to sleep and forget the pounding of his heart for five minutes.  
-yeah im just tired  
Jisung typed a reply and went to shut his phone off and sleep when another text popped up.  
-ok. miss ur smile. night sung <3

Jisung groaned as he felt a smile spreading across his tired face. He could imagine Minho’s black polished nails tapping the screen of his phone, scrolling through the masses of dms to send Jisung a little heart. Jisung loved those hearts. They were Minho’s trademark. And to think Minho might feel too weird to send them to him after he tells him. No Jisung, you won’t tell him. He’s too precious to lose over something so trivial as a crush. Jisung closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but the nerves bubbled up from where he pushed them down each day. Jisung gulped and shoved his headphones on, turning on the first song on his playlist. Taking a few deep breaths, he managed to calm down. Sleep came eventually, but his fears, hopes and minho plagued him even in his dreams.  
The next day while Jisung was walking though the school gates, minho gave him smudgy eyeliner, black nails and glitter on his lips. Jisung felt so strange, so aloof, like he was watching it happen to someone else. He felt Minho’s hand in his, heard the snarky remarks he whispered into his ear. He wondered where all the attention was coming from. He was practically pushing Peichen away as she tried to talk to him, all minho was focused on was Jisung.  
It was exhausting. Jisung wished he could kiss him every day, but today it was like Minho was teasing him, glossing his lips every five seconds, telling Jisung how pretty his were. Jisung couldn’t hear anything. He couldn’t feel anything it was just too much. So when minho asked him to come to his spot after school, Jisung was too tired to protest.  
“Hold on Ji!” Minho yelled into the wind as he turned his motorbike onto the motorway. The air hit Jisung in the face as they wove between cars. The adrenaline kicked in and he was smiling, the feelings in his stomach falling out as they flew through the traffic. He wrapped his arms tighter around Minho, and rested his cheek against his back. He smelt so good, the comforting vanilla he always wore. The city lights flashed past his eyes, dark clouds swirling overhead. The cold wind bit Jisung’s face, but he kept his eyes open, he kept looking. He’d never felt so high. So free. This is what it feels like to be one of Minho’s lovers.  
Jisung tried not to think about that as he sat on the back of Minho’s motorbike, clutching his waist, holding him tight. Minho was right there, but he felt like he was a million miles away. He’d never wanted to be so near him and so far from him at once. He closed his eyes finally, swirling colours and lights in his vision, the air rushing past his ears and deafening him. I really need to cry. This is breaking my heart. He’s right here. He’s almost mine. Jisung felt as though his brain would split open from all the thoughts bouncing off the sides of it. He lifted his head, and felt Minho’s hair against his face. He could see the city in so many ways at once. It was like a dream. Or nightmare. But Jisung never wanted to wake up.

They eventually pulled up to a park overlooking a lake. Minho held out his hand, and Jisung took it, cursing himself for acting vulnerable. Because he wasn’t. Minho took him near the water, and turned to look at him. Jisung wasn’t feeling out of it now. He was falling straight into the constellations in Minho’s eyes.  
“Tell me what’s wrong Jisung.” Jisung lowered his gaze instantly.  
“Look, I know I’m not a very good friend but I know when you’re upset. I tried giving u attention and love today but it seemed to make it worse! Please tell me what’s wrong.” Minho grabbed his hands and looked into his eyes. Those eyes. Those worried eyes.  
“why aren’t you with Peichen.” Jisung mumbled to the ground. Suddenly, two soft hands were on his cheeks, and his face was gently tilted up to meet Minho’s. Jisung watched his eyes get closer, his nose brushing his, his lips, his lips…  
“STOp!” Jisung pushed him away with all his strength, scrambling away across the grass. Minho looked taken aback, slightly afraid, his hands still cupping the ghost of Jisung’s face.  
“DON’T DO THAT MINHO! IM NOT ONE OF YOUR TOYS. IM YOUR BEST FRIEND!! DON’T TREAT ME LIKE WE MET TODAY!! YOU PLAY WITH PEOPLES FEELINGS! please stop playing with mine.” Jisung yelled, tears he had kept bottled up streaming down his cheeks, his cheeks that Minho had been holding only moments before. Minho’s eyes looked so tired, so sad, but Jisung was done. He turned and walked back up the park, Minho still standing, stunned, with his hands cradling nothing but the evening air.  
Jisung felt the winter wind run its fingers through his hair as he walked back to his house. Tears slid down his cheeks and dampened his hoodie. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. He ruined it. This was what he wanted!! This is what he thought about every day. What was he doing. You ruined it Jisung. He wanted it too but you ruined it. Jisung closed his eyes and let the cold surround him. He would be home soon. He would fake sickness tomorrow. Minho’s face full of regret and sadness flashed across his vision, breaking his heart with each step. He couldn’t even breathe. His heart hurt. Minho had well and truly broken it.  
Jisung’s head pounded and he felt like throwing up as soon as he woke up, but his mom insisted he go to school no matter what. The whole day was so awkward and painful. Minho didn’t hang out with any of them, or even acknowledge that he had ever met them before. Chan looked so worried, but Jisung tiredly let him know the last thing he wanted to do was talk about it. So Chan left it. The hours crawled along, time seemed to be going backwards, and Jisung couldn’t bear to look at Minho even once. He knew what kind of a sight he’d be greeted with. Minho would act as if nothing happened, he didn’t know anyone by the name of Han Jisung. It had happened before, but that didn’t make it less painful. As soon as he got home, he collapsed into his bed and didn’t get up until he needed to get ready for school the next day. He didn’t eat. He didn’t talk. He just slept and felt the shards of his teenage heart dig deeper into his sensitive skin.

Jisung groped around his bed for his phone, which had just woken him up with its loud ringing. It was 9am on Saturday, and Jisung was not going to Hyunjin’s party. He blinked his bleary eyes, and the caller id came into focus. Minho. Jisung rubbed his eyes, sat up, took a deep breath, and accepted the call.  
-I broke up with Peichen  
-Oh  
-Come to Hyunjin’s party tonight. I need to tell you something.  
-Ok  
Minho hung up after hearing Jisung agree to meet him at the party, and Jisung stared blankly at the screen. He broke up with Peichen? What does this mean? Jisung’s heart suddenly felt light and fluttery, and he hated himself for it. He was just going to get hurt again and again and again. But right now, he didn’t care. Jisung yawned, and ran a hand through his knotty hair. He was going to need a shower.

Jisung knocked on Hyunjin’s door at 10pm, after spending the whole day stressing out and getting ready. He was wearing black jeans, a white and blue button up, and his platform doc martens. His hair was hanging over his face in blonde waves, and his eyes were lined with black. He felt pretty, but he knew he was nothing compared to-  
“Hello! I knew you would turn up!” Hyunjin greeted him with a bright smile, his eyes scrunching up and his face beaming with sunlight. Jisung smiled back, and let Hyunjin guide him through the crowd of happy people Jisung had never seen before. Soon enough they reached the rest of their friends. Seungmin came up to Jisung, looking absolutely done.  
“They’ve been fighting this whole time. You’re lucky you didn’t come earlier.” Seungmin said tiredly, leaning his head in the direction of where minho and Peichen were standing, hunched over, angrily whispering to each other. Jisung took in Minho’s leather pants and jacket, dark fringe falling forward over his eyes, black lipstick and nails. Minho glanced across the room at that second, and caught his gaze. He looked back at Peichen so quickly it felt as if it didn’t happen, but Jisung swore he looked a little less angry than he had before.  
The night moved quickly, with Jisung drinking and forgetting, laughing with friends and strangers, feeling as if he was moving through space and time. His friends looked relived to see him looking happy again, though Chan kept gesturing to minho, who was with some other friends in the middle of the dance floor. Jisung pretended he didn’t see. He was having fun! Lee Minho wouldn’t ruin his night, not tonight.  
Soon it became 11 45, and everyone was flocking to the balcony to see the fireworks display in the city. Jisung made his way towards them, but the crush of people made his stomach tighten. Instead, he went up to the roof, through a door in Hyunjin’s room only their close friends knew about. He pushed through it, and was admiring the view until he saw Minho standing up against the railing, staring at the sky. Jisung walked over slowly, to not startle him, but he didn’t move, not even when Jisung was standing right next to him.  
“I’m sorry Sung.” Minho whispered. Jisung turned to look at Minho, his eyes still filled with the sky.  
“I wasn’t thinking about your feelings., I was being selfish. I hurt you. The most important person to me. These past couple of days without you have been hell, but I thought you would appreciate space. Peichen was angry at me, so I broke up with her. I couldn’t deal with that too. I’m so shitty, it was a shitty thing to do. I’m such an idiot Jisung.” Jisung looked up at the sky too, watching the stars, the far away satellites moving slowly, the moon gazing down, shining its pale light on them.  
“I’m in love with you Minho.” Jisung said. He felt Minho’s head whip around, felt his eyes bore into the side of his face. But he felt lighter somehow, as if a great weight had been lifted.  
“I don’t know when or why or how, but I am. You make me happy. You make so many people happy. I see you in pain and it pulls me apart, but I could never tell you because you wouldn’t believe me. You have so many lovers, I haven’t had even one. I’m sorry if I just ruined everything, but I promised myself I would tell you tonight. So there you go.” Jisung took a deep breath, and turned to see Minho staring right into his eyes, his mouth slightly open in shock, his eyes sparkling with tears. Jisung felt along the railing for his hand, and Minho grabbed it quickly. There they stood, under the night sky, the new year on the horizon, yet neither of them could speak.  
“Jisung, you dumb stupid idiot.” Minho grinned, a tear sliding down his cheek. Jisung reached his free hand up to wipe it away, and let his hand linger on Minho’s cheek. He was vaguely aware of the other party guests shouting the countdown, but all his attention was on Minhos’s hands wrapping around the back of his neck. Another tear fell onto Minho’s cheek , and Jisung reached his other hand to hold Minho’s face. Minho looked at him, and every hint of pain and hurt and uncertainty was gone from his eyes. Time was slowing, Minho’s face was slowly getting closer, his breath on Jisung’s cheek, his long eyelashes brushing Jisung’s face. And slowly, as the first fireworks shattered the calm night sky with blazing light and colour, Minho shattered Jisung’s entire world with his soft lips and warm hands tangling in his hair.  
The cheers and firework bangs were very distant, all Jisung could hear was his heart beating in his ears. He could feel his and Minho’s tears on his cheeks, he could feel Minho’s mouth on his, he could feel him smiling. And as the sky exploded, his world completely erupted, there was nothing but the warmth in his chest, and Minho. 

And Minho.


End file.
